In my last post I explained why it can be so difficult to allow yourself to relax. In this post I want to dive a bit deeper and give you a number of things you can try and see if they recharge you.

There is no right or wrong answer here! Some of the strategies below might work for you, some won’t. Some might work for a certain level of tiredness, and some might only work when you have time to give to them. Approach this process from a place of curiosity not perfection!

• Habit stack deep breathing. One of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system is to take a few slow, deep breaths into your belly. But as you go about your day, running from one thing to the next, you might never be taking full breaths past your chest. So, identify some times when you can integrate this into something you’re already doing: your coffee is brewing, you’re taking a bathroom break, as you start your commute, before you eat a meal.
• Empty your thoughts in your journal or a voice note. Often our brains g
...

Ever have a free moment and think, “now I’ll let myself relax” only to find it nearly impossible? Your mind gets loud about all the things you should be doing or starts to allow in feelings you’ve been avoiding. Sometimes even just the expectation that right now is the only window you have to recharge can put you on edge!

Here are three of the most common challenges I hear from clients when they are looking for some peace. And I’ve included what to do to manage them!

The “one more thing” trap

We are all busy and have things we need to get done, but these mental or literal lists can create a lot of clutter as you jump from one thing to the next. You might even believe that you aren’t allowed to rest until you’ve crossed everything off your list. But it is unrealistic to set everything up perfectly before you can relax. Instead, try meeting yourself in the middle: identify one to two things you want to get done before you allow yourself to relax. This creates a clear expectation—what ...

Have you ever gone into a job interview or were meeting your partner’s family for the first time and felt physically uncomfortable? It might be your stomach tightening or your mouth goes dry. It doesn’t matter if growth is self-directed (and wanted!) or comes from what life throws at you, the reason why these situations are uncomfortable are the same—read on!

First, doing anything new pushes us out of our comfort zone and takes your brain off of a kind of auto-pilot. Our brains love the predictability of life because it has already figured out how to react to those regular situations. Anything new and your system has to recalibrate constantly and the physical sensations can overpower your ability to push back with logic. For example, you might think having to drive a detour on your way home is small, but your nervous system registers it as something to pay a lot of attention to, increasing anxiety and panic and alerting you with all kinds of physical sensations. These new scenarios pu...

As I have been researching more strategies to calm a nervous system, one thing I keep seeing repeated is how routines or regular rituals can really help bring a sense of calm to your days and weeks. I have already written about what building blocks you need to create a supportive routine, but I wanted to come back to this topic because…

…the most common feedback I hear from clients is that these routines feel overwhelming, like another thing to add to your ‘to do list’, and that can have the opposite effect of calming your system.

Below I outline a number of small examples of routines and rituals you can try out and see if they work for you. And remember: you don’t have to be perfect at this! For one person, doing something every day can be helpful because of the frequency, for someone else doing one thing weekly gives them the wiggle room (aka permission!) to show up when they can.

• In the morning, create a routine that takes you from sleepy to energized. This can look like freshe
...

I have been doing a deep dive into regulating a nervous system and how it can support myself and my emotional eating clients. But the thing I have found as I researched is that there is a lot of talk about the benefits of a regulated nervous system, but not a lot on the specifics of how to actually do that, so I wanted to break this down with real strategies you can use when you need them!

Your nervous system is a complex and important part of your body, but at base it is a communications highway (your brain, nerves, and spinal cord are all part of it, so it even kind of looks like a highway!). This means it gathers information from our senses, processes all this information, and then has the body react as it thinks appropriate.

It’s an important tool to keep us alive because it turns this information into action—from literally running away to digesting the meal you just had. But it can also jump to conclusions based on past events (like traumatic experiences) and immediately slip in...

One of the ways I have been supporting clients lately has been to add in nervous system regulation to the Attachment Therapy approach that usually takes place in a session. While I approach every client uniquely, I have noticed how powerful working on calming a nervous system is with clients who emotionally eat. Here’s why:

Emotional eating is all about the rush to cover up uncomfortable feelings. You get to focus on the food, embracing the automatic or numbing feeling of eating. But those exact uncomfortable feelings come up when you are triggered by stress, anxiety, anger, and more. We are taught that these are “ugly” emotions and should be stuffed down and not acted on. But by silencing these feelings, they only build and come to the surface in other ways (headaches and chronic pain for example).

When those hot, overwhelming, and uncomfortable feelings rush to the surface one of the most powerful things you can do is to pause. Check in and ask yourself why you feel this way and th...

In addition to growing my one-on-one registered psychotherapy practice, over the years I ran emotional eating groups using pre-created content. I could see the power of the group concept, but the material wasn’t the right fit. So, I created The Quiet Craving, a program based on my experience of more than a decade of working with clients who emotionally eat and as a group leader.

I know that many people are hesitant about group therapy, especially when it comes to something as vulnerable as emotional eating. It is something that thrives when hidden and there is a societal belief that eating is “simple” and that you should “just be able to get a handle on it.” Bringing your experiences out in front of others can feel incredibly scary but, again and again, I have seen the transformational experience of group therapy for emotional eaters.

If you’re tired of emotional eating and intimidated by group therapy, this blog post is for you! Read through the powerful ways group therapy can trans...

With the start of a new week, month, or year, it can be tempting to overhaul your life. This might look like starting a new diet, adhering to an intense exercise regime, doing a detox, or trying to white-knuckle your way to change.

How often have you tried this approach?

It isn’t a bad thing to want to change your habits, but how often does your motivation start out from a place of criticism or feeling not good enough? You can’t hate yourself towards change. Instead, coming from a place of compassion is a great way to soothe and support yourself!

Consider The Words You Use

When coming from a place of compassion, you don’t tear yourself down by picking apart your body or criticizing your abilities. This inner critic can be really mean! You can start by asking these two helpful questions when this inner voice gets loud. The next step is to start changing the words you use to talk about yourself. It doesn’t have to be fake or super positive, you can aim for neutral comments like “I am...

Social gatherings can be stressful at the best of times: they require your time, energy, money, and you have to figure out what to wear. Add in the expectation that someone will comment on your weight, what you’re eating, how you vote, or how you choose to live your life and the anxiety can build as soon as the event is on your calendar.

If you are already dreading a few get-togethers on your calendar, below are some helpful scripts you can use to shut down unwanted comments and criticism. Read through and choose which ones might be helpful to you. Feel free to bookmark this blog post or take a screen shot on your phone so you can come back to this anytime you need to feel empowered to redirect an uncomfortable conversation.

 Try being warm and polite:

• “It’s the holiday season, let’s focus on the positive. What are you excited about right now?”
• “Let’s keep things light today. Tell me something wonderful that’s going on with you lately?”

 Try being gentle but clear:

• “That is
...

Managing your inner critic can be difficult. Its comments are cruel, judgmental, and criticize everything from your body to your intelligence to your dreams. That voice inside tears you down with comments taken from friends, family, society, and social media. Sometimes they are word-for-word and sometimes your inner critics twists them to be extra painful. We tend to internalize these negative ideas and our brain feeds them back to us as if they are true.

They aren’t.

There are a few ways to address your inner critic. I’ve talked before about how to push back against these inner comments (without falling into toxic positivity!) and today I want to give you another strategy to try out: listening to your inner critic.

Now, that doesn’t mean believing your inner critic. When thoughts like “You’re so dumb” or “No one likes you” come up, see if you can sit with them for a moment. These thoughts often jump to the surface when you’ve been triggered by a situation and your immediate action ...