What is Holiday Perfectionism? (And How to Let Go if It!)

Holiday movies and social media show us that the holiday season needs to be a certain level of perfect: everyone must be happy, your house must be spotless but also have decorations everywhere, and key memories have to be made. This is what is considered holiday perfectionism, when everything must be done to a certain level or else you feel stressed out, disappointed in yourself, or like a failure.

Women are especially susceptible to falling into the trap of holiday perfectionism because they constantly get messages from childhood to be everything to everyone. They are the ones to make the gift lists, do the shopping, the baking, coordinate the social calendars of spouses and kids. Plus, there is a gender stereotype that women need to be pleasant in the face of any scenario. It is exhausting!

Give yourself a break this year with these 4 tips to feel less stressed about achieving perfection this season:

• Take stock of what you can let go of. Consider what you think is expected of you in terms of hosting, baking, and gifting and see what you can let go of or delegate to others. For example, have the kids create the holiday cards you’ll mail out or pick up frozen side dishes instead of cooking all day. Setting a budget can be a helpful tool here to prioritize (and make you feel more confident in the New Year when your credit card statement arrives!).
• “No” is a complete sentence. This one might feel uncomfortable, but setting your own boundaries on what you’re willing to commit to during the holidays feels so powerful! And it doesn’t have to be rude: “thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t make it that night” or “I won’t be able to make that party, but let’s grab a coffee just the two of us in the New Year.” If you need to, use text and email to your advantage so you don’t feel like you’ll be badgered on the phone or in-person.
• Make time for yourself. This may feel impossible with so much going on but try and couple activities together to fill your cup. For example, out running errands? Grab a drive through coffee or snack and sit in your parked car while you enjoy a quiet moment. Or tell family you’re wrapping gifts and are not to be disturbed, then put on your favourite show or movie while you wrap.
• Find humour in the imperfection. Cookies will burn, you’ll forget to add something to your grocery list, things will spill on the carpet… Life is rarely smooth, and it is unrealistic to expect the holidays to be any different. If you can crack a genuine smile (not fake positivity!) in the face of challenges you might notice that you feel more relaxed and able to let go of the holiday expectations you had in your mind.

Remember: no one posts their flaws on social media and holiday movies only show one type of happy ending! Reimagining how you want your holidays to go can be a great way to lessen the expectation for perfectionism.

💛Your peace awaits.