How to Trust Feeling Good After Life Throws You a Curveball
Being on the other side of a challenging life changing event can feel destabilizing. After a period of new levels of anxiety or depression symptoms, you don’t trust feeling good. The truth is that you’re no longer used to feeling positive.
You might feel foolish for not immediately embracing the good, but this lack of trust is much more common than you think! Below we’ve outlined the three stages you can expect when you’ve done the work to move through big emotions and negative experiences.
Step One: You Can’t Believe It
At some point in your recovery, you will notice a subtle shift. It might be in a therapy session when you realize you’re talking about your experiences differently or it might be a moment during your day where you think or react differently than you would in the past. This might be accompanied by a rush of gratitude: you’ve made a change and are “on the other side.”
This will likely be immediately followed by mentally shutting down recognizing (or celebrating!) this milestone—know that is very normal! Your system has been in fight-or-flight for so long this new sensation doesn’t feel safe to you. The good news? These little glimmers will keep popping up, keep growing, all on their own until you start to feel safer with them.
But then comes…
Step Two: You Fight with Reminders
You then get to the point where your body and brain start to relax and you realize you aren’t as fixated on keeping yourself safe. You might even notice that coping mechanisms you were relying on—like emotional eating—aren’t serving you as they used to. Other signs your system is finding a sense of calm could look like more relaxed digestion or the little voice that can challenge negative thoughts is getting a bit louder, a bit more confident.
In this stage, you might find yourself forcing your brain to bring up reminders of what you recently went through. This is a way to make sure you’re “prepared” for things to spiral again because you’re certain this newfound positive feeling can’t last.
Which leads to…
Step Three: You Sit in the Present Moment
This stage brings you a sense of clarity: you can acknowledge you’re on the other side of a challenging time and even pat yourself on the back! That little voice within you that has been providing neutral commentary in the face of your anxiety or depression is now curious about what comes next. You might notice your excitement for life or even your desire to think about the future is back. Know that even at this stage, you might still feel cautious and feeling like the “other shoe” could drop, but you decide to move forward anyways—even if there is still fear, even if you still reach for baked goods, even if your confidence ebbs and flows each day.
What is outlined above is the fear that a “bad” thought or experience is just around the corner to completely upend your life. It is only human to want to avoid that! But this narrowed focus emphasizes that any good feelings or experiences are fleeting. While that is true, know that the opposite is true too: any negative feelings are also temporary!
Even if you faced the exact same situation again, YOU aren’t the same! Being on the other side of whatever experience has built up your resilience, confidence, and abilities to manage what life will send your way. Take comfort in, and even applaud, how far you've come!
💛 Your peace awaits.
