How to Set Personal Boundaries

Setting boundaries with other people can feel very challenging. It pushes against our desire to keep the peace, challenge those we love, out of fear of rejection. But they are an essential part of maintaining your well-being and healthy relationships.

Benefits of Boundaries

Your boundaries are personal to you—they’re the guidelines you set to protect your body, mind, energy, and lifestyle. That’s a pretty powerful thing. For example, setting boundaries with others can include how frequently or quickly you respond to calls and texts, saying “no” when you don’t have time or interest in something, or pushing back on critical comments.

While you might feel uncomfortable to set boundaries, doing so can support your mental health, financial stability, help you feel more confident, and even create healthier relationships. Often others will respect you for knowing what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and stick with it.

While you may need to communicate your boundaries to others, you don’t have to justify them. If they make you feel safe, comforted, and supported that is all the reasoning you need to put these boundaries in place.

What To Do When Someone Crosses a Boundary

You might be worried that getting clear on your personal boundaries, and implementing them, will cause conflict with others. It can be important to remember that the people who get the angriest with your boundaries are often the ones who have taken advantage of you in the past. Being consistent with upholding your boundaries is key to retraining these people in your life.

Here are some examples of intentionally blowing past the boundaries you’ve set:

• criticism or unsolicited advice;
• entering your physical space uninvited;
• ignoring your “no”;
• guilt trips, pressure, and manipulation.

A good guide is if you feel uncomfortable or angry at a line being crossed, it probably has.

Here’s what you can do: be clear and reiterate your boundary and highlight this person has crossed it. If you can, leave the situation and decide for yourself if a consequence is needed to reinforce your boundary with this person. For example, will you communicate by text instead of in-person to allow yourself time to think clearly? Or maybe you’ll use an email to outline (and document) how you expect someone to pay back what they owe you.

The truth is that some relationships will shift when you set and keep to your personal boundaries and you will have to accept this new dynamic (even end a relationship if it feels right). But with boundaries as a tool, you can also set how, when, and why you decide to interact with someone who disrespects you.

💛 Your peace awaits.