Why We Engage in Self-Sabotage Behaviour
Self-sabotage is a sneaky habit that is getting in the way of, well, yourself! You might have recognized your patterns, even be aware it doesn’t make you feel good, but feel helpless to stop the action. Self-sabotage keeps you feeling stuck because there is familiarity in the outcome. Yes, it might leave you feeling shame or overfull but it feels safe.
Self-sabotage behaviour can look like:
- Perfectionism. Needing everything to be perfectly aligned and ready before taking action. But the truth is “perfect” doesn’t exist, meaning you’ll never end up taking that step forward.
- Procrastination and avoidance. It is easy to pick up our phones and scroll or focus on what foods we want to binge on as a way to numb out rather than face something.
- Constant self-doubt and criticism. This can be feeling like you never measure up or that you can’t possibly meet your goals, so why even try.
These patterns of self-sabotage show up not just around a fear of failure, it can also come up as a fear of success. For example, ever feel like you don’t deserve a good life or are scared to get what you want (because then what happens)?
If any of this resonates with you, know that it is incredibly normal to engage in these behaviours! We are human and each have a unique kaleidoscope of emotions, motivations, and experiences. You might find you self-sabotage big things, like your therapy journey (cancelling a session last minute), or little things, like scrolling on your phone when you have a deadline.
You can start breaking these patterns by becoming aware of them, there is no pressure to change immediately. Just observe when you start doing one of the above behaviours and ask yourself: what are you feeling? What made you feel this way? Once you have a better idea as to why you are acting a certain way, you can practice choosing a different path. You can start to break out of these habits once you are aware of what they are and why they happen—you don’t have to keep feeling stuck.
💛 Your peace awaits.
