What to do When You’re Feeling Lonely During the Holidays
The holiday season often feels like it is an emotional minefield. It can bring up memories of our childhood or longer hours at work. It can exacerbate anxiety with the increase in social situations or kick perfectionist into high gear when we decorate, plan, and host.
But one of the most painful emotions to come up during the holidays can be loneliness. We’re reminded of family we’ve cut ties with or loved ones who have passed away. Maybe even friends you once would have celebrated with are no longer close by. And it isn’t always a physical distance, sometimes we may feel like we’re not relating to our community as they manage their own holiday stressors and expectations. For a season that is about connecting with others, it can really hit home that our family and friends’ groups have gotten smaller or busier.
While feeling lonely during the holidays might not be entirely avoided, there are ways to plan and manage it, so it feels less like a rollercoaster you can’t get off until January 3rd!
Here are some things to try out:
1) Feeling lonely during the holidays is very normal. You might be surprised who in your life feels the same way as the holiday season gets underway. If you feel comfortable, opening up to your partner or a friend about how you feel might be a comforting experience. You can also plan ahead knowing that the season is coming. This might look like booking regular coffee dates with someone or creating a ‘comfort kit’ with a blanket and candle when you need to sooth yourself at home (think about how you want to be supported).
2) Social media pressure for perfection is a real thing. Year ‘round social media only shows us the perfect parts of the lives of others, but during the holidays it kicks into overdrive having us believe that the only way to celebrate the holidays is by being happy all the time and carrying on traditions we were taught as kids. We are bombarded with photos of perfection and curated family images. Remind yourself that what you see is only a fraction of what goes on behind the photos. You can also choose to ‘mute’ or unfollow people and accounts that stress you out (this click of a button can feel surprisingly powerful!).
3) Let go of traditional expectations. Holiday traditions we’re taught as kids—baking a certain recipe, going out to cut a tree, hosting all 20 relatives—can be something we decide to bring into our lives as adults… or not! If doing them makes you happy (without added stress), go for it! But if they bring up all kinds of mixed emotions, it is ok to create your own, new traditions. Do a craft night where you and friends make seasonal wreaths (don’t underestimate the power of a ‘chosen’ family!). Or have a solo night with delicious hot chocolate and a cheesy holiday movie. Do more of what feels good, with or without others, and you’ll ‘fill your cup’ to feel less lonely.
Hopefully these give you a few ideas to try out over the next few weeks. But if you find yourself really struggling, reach out for support through your doctor or therapist—even if you feel lonely, you don’t have to face the holidays alone.
💛 Your peace awaits.
