How to Plan for a Death Anniversary

The anniversary of the death of a loved one comes with its own unique challenges. Unlike birthdays or weddings, the day your loved one passed is a focal point for your grief and can bring all the feelings of loss right back to the surface. 

While you might expect the day to be difficult, you might find engaging in some sort of memorial—big or small—can be a lovely way to honour their memory and support your own mental health.

There are so many ways you can honour your loved one! To get you thinking about what might be helpful for you, here’s a list of 10 things you can do to remember your person. You can either choose to do something by yourself or with others—the choice is completely up to you and there is no right or wrong way to mourn.

1. Hold space to let out the emotions—cry, rage, whatever! Sometimes a sad playlist or movie will allow the tears to flow, other times you might want to sweat it out at the gym.
2. Visit their final resting place. Bring flowers, read a poem, or simply talk to them.
3. Share memories with friends and family members.
4. Go through photo albums or watch videos to connect with your person.
5. Donate to a charity in their memory. It could be one they supported during their lifetime or one you feel honours them (like a donation to a cancer society).
6. Write them a letter. You can update them on your life, express how much you miss them, or talk about what you might do if they were still there.
7. Host a get together in their honour. If being with others sounds good to you, bring people together to honour the memory of your lost loved one.
8. Reach out to someone with similar experiences. It can help you feel less alone if you hear from a friend or a local bereavement group about their losses.
9. Create a new memorial ritual like lighting a candle and saying something, enjoying your person’s favourite meal, or listening so their favourite song.
10. Find a sense of connection. That might be at a place or worship or out in nature where you feel part of the larger world.

Know that what you want or need to do each time an anniversary comes around might be different—that is to be expected! Grief evolves over time or new triggers might mean you need to learn new ways to manage your grief.

The most important thing you can do when a death anniversary is approaching is to be gentle with yourself. Take the time you need, even if that means taking some time off work or saying “no” to social events.

💛 Your peace awaits.