Why Growth Feels So Uncomfortable (And how to find some relief)

Have you ever gone into a job interview or were meeting your partner’s family for the first time and felt physically uncomfortable? It might be your stomach tightening or your mouth goes dry. It doesn’t matter if growth is self-directed (and wanted!) or comes from what life throws at you, the reason why these situations are uncomfortable are the same—read on!

First, doing anything new pushes us out of our comfort zone and takes your brain off of a kind of auto-pilot. Our brains love the predictability of life because it has already figured out how to react to those regular situations. Anything new and your system has to recalibrate constantly and the physical sensations can overpower your ability to push back with logic. For example, you might think having to drive a detour on your way home is small, but your nervous system registers it as something to pay a lot of attention to, increasing anxiety and panic and alerting you with all kinds of physical sensations. These new scenarios push you out of your familiar experiences and into new situations where your brain and body struggle to assess how to help you react.

Second, situations that make us grow—dating, a new job, reconnecting with someone, joining a workout class, wearing a daring outfit—all ask us to show up in spaces and in new ways where we will be seen… and that feels very vulnerable. Not only are we doing something new like I explained above, but we are also putting ourselves out there in a way that might bring on judgement or rejection. Even if no one says anything, just the perception that these criticisms are coming our way can make us feel on edge.

Life will demand change from us, whether we choose it or it is something we didn’t see coming, so here are a few ways for you to work through the uncomfortable sensations:

• Rely on your routines in other aspects of your life for comfort. It can be small like a consistent time you get into bed at night or a breakfast on repeat that you know makes you feel good.
• Build in time after a situation to slow down and recharge. Just based on some of the examples above: don’t rush back to your job after the interview, take a few deep breaths once you’ve parked your car after the detour, don’t plan more social time after meeting your in-laws.
• Reflect on your abilities to get through. Chances are you’ve navigated through other periods of growth in your life and it can be very helpful to remind yourself of where you’ve been and how you got through it. That shows a pattern and our brains love this kind of ‘proof’.

I want to leave you with this reminder: confidence is created through action. You might be surprised at how accomplished and proud you feel about yourself as you take steps forward—you got this!

💛 Your peace awaits.