How To Actually Let Yourself Relax
Ever have a free moment and think, “now I’ll let myself relax” only to find it nearly impossible? Your mind gets loud about all the things you should be doing or starts to allow in feelings you’ve been avoiding. Sometimes even just the expectation that right now is the only window you have to recharge can put you on edge!
Here are three of the most common challenges I hear from clients when they are looking for some peace. And I’ve included what to do to manage them!
The “one more thing” trap
We are all busy and have things we need to get done, but these mental or literal lists can create a lot of clutter as you jump from one thing to the next. You might even believe that you aren’t allowed to rest until you’ve crossed everything off your list. But it is unrealistic to set everything up perfectly before you can relax. Instead, try meeting yourself in the middle: identify one to two things you want to get done before you allow yourself to relax. This creates a clear expectation—what you’re going to do and when to stop—and can calm your system knowing you’ve made progress.
Dealing with intrusive thoughts
Keeping constantly busy can be a sign that you’re using your to-do list as a way to cope with emotions or experiences you’d rather not face. Know that this is a very normal coping mechanism. If you often find in quiet moments your brain starts to bring up things from the past or gets critical of yourself, try this: set a timer for 10 minutes and allow yourself to follow these thoughts. Giving yourself permission to face these thoughts head on will often diffuse them. And once the timer goes, you can visualize putting these intrusive thoughts in a box or cabinet and closing them away. If the thoughts continue to surface you can tell yourself, even out loud, “I’ve already worried about this today, I’m not spending more time on it.”
If you’re someone who constantly needs to be busy as a way to keep introspective thoughts and reflections away, you might need more support in learning these skills. Reach out! I’d love to talk about how we can work together.
Calm comes from your nervous system
Food might bring you some temporary relief, but the rebound feelings of guilt and shame will only create more chaos. Learning how to transition your nervous system from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest can deepen your feelings of relaxation. Focusing on deep breathing, repetitive movement, predictable routines, are all ways to tell your system it is ok to relax, to sit in the calm. It’s ok if you don’t believe this at first, it is like a muscle! The more you soothe yourself regularly, the more your system will start to believe it is safe to relax. The most helpful way to support yourself is to build in time for intentional relaxation throughout the week, even if it is only a few minutes in a day, you don’t have to wait for the weekend or a vacation. In my next blog post, I’ll be sharing 6 strategies you can start to use regularly to show your system some calm.
💛 Your peace awaits.
